If there is one thing I've learned during all my time spent at wedding ceremonies and family gatherings, it's that a wedding can sometimes often overshadow a marriage. Your big day is so special because it marks the start of a lifetime together, but a lot of young couples and families of the bride and groom forget this important day as monumental in your journey of love, and see it more as a big event to countdown to and then recuperate from after the fact.
In all the hustle and bustle, some newlyweds have a rough awakening after they're married and they come head to head on certain issues. Today I'm sharing the top seven discussions I think are super important to have before you join hands in marriage. Disagreements on these fronts are meant merely to better understand each other, not to be deal-breakers. Read through these questions below and take your significant other out for a date to talk about how you feel about each of these discussions.
1. How will we translate how we grew up into our new life together?
Will we carry on Christmas traditions from our childhood? What standard of living to we expect to achieve and when? How will we respectfully discuss each other's previous relationships? What can we teach each other? How did our families handle disagreements and how will we handle them? What are our expectations for our relationship? How will we prioritize spending time with friends? What sort of topics are off-limits to discuss with people other than our spouse? Do we know how to show love to one another? How can we respect each other as roommates?
2. What are the boundaries as far as time with each other's families?
Whose family will we spend holidays with? What information about our marriage will we share with each other's family? How can we be respectful to sensitive family situations? Are we okay with each other spending extended time alone with their families? Do we like all families members on each side, and if not, how can we respectfully agree on the amount of time to spend with them?
3. What are our financial priorities?
How much money or debt are we bringing into this marriage? What sort of expenditures are priorities for each of us? How will we save for retirement? What things are worth saving for? How will we handle spontaneous expenditures? Who will be responsible to bring in what level of income? How will we handle taxes? How much of our income will be devoted to charitable giving? What are our beliefs about money that were instilled upon us by our parents? How will we handle financial stress?
4. What are our future independent and joint goals?
What do we hope to accomplish in life? How can we help each other reach those goals? How can we prioritize our efforts to achieving these goals? What goals do we share? Where do we see ourselves in the future? How will we spend different periods of our life together?
5. What do we believe and what beliefs will we share?
What religious and spiritual beliefs do we share? How do we feel about discussing these beliefs with each other and in public? Will our beliefs be a core foundation of our marriage/family? How will we implement these beliefs in a way that's respectful to each other? Will we share these beliefs with our children, should we decide to have any? How can we respectfully share these beliefs with our families?
6. In what way do we see our family growing?
Will we have children? Will we have pets? Will we adopt children? What are our plans if we are unable to have children? How will we prioritize our time and money in an effort to grow our family? What responsibilities to we see each other taken on if and when we have children? Who will be the primary caregiver? Who will be the primary breadwinner? How will we handle the discussion of our growing family with others? How will we show love to our children?
7. How do we see ourselves growing as a married couple?
What are our passions? How do we like to spend our time pursuing these passions? What are some new hobbies we can take up together? How often do we take time away from responsibilities to spend with each other? How often will we go on dates? Where are the priorities in this relationship? How will we reach agreements? What can we do to frequently show our respect for one another? How will we show love to each other? How can we show respect to each other in our intimate relationship?